I know I've been doing a mock NYC blog today but I had to switch it up here and take the Local Smoke from Boston because the NYC Smokeshow today looked too much like Jenna Marbles. I don't wanna sandbag myself with Pres before even getting a foot in the door by accidentally aligning myself with some Jenna Marbles doppelganger. Not to mention Kingsley here is a straight up smokebomb, so make sure you come see her and all of the other talent that Monmouth has to offer at the 2nd Blackout Show 28 days from now.
So I happen to stumble upon some Planet Earth re-runs on Animal Planet the other day and thus was obligated to spend the next 3 hours on the couch watching. During the show they had a little promo thing in the corner advertising for Puppy Bowl VIII, which I found weird because I never knew there was a Puppy Bowl I - VII. How is it possible that I missed this? I mean this has to be the cutest fucking thing ever right?
I wanted to find out more so I dug around and found this video about this year's upcoming Puppy Bowl, Puppy Bowl VIII. After watching I now I have some mixed emotions. The first 40 seconds about the ref is absolutely retarded. But I love the 67 breeds. I guess I could get on board with Meep the tweeting bird. And then the guy even drops an F bomb at the end for an unexpected laugh.
There are 2 things that need to happen to make this great. First, we need to get rid of the slut pig cheerleaders on the sidelines. I get it that they're trying to be cute, but you're sending the message to your viewers that its okay to be a pig and be a cheerleader when, in fact, that is the exact opposite of the truth. Let's stick those pig cheerleaders up in the back row of the bleachers where they belong and replace them with something cute as fuck like the baby deer or baby giraffe in a neckbrace.
The second thing they need to do is have Vegas set a line on the
game so I could bet it. From the sounds of this video the Over would be the Lock of the Millennium. Just making money and watching puppies frolic. Fuck yeah Puppy Bowl. Fuck yeah.
Miami New Times -Early morning yesterday, Miami super-strippers Skrawberry (left) and Tip Drill vaulted to the top of the political punditry heap when they crashed a South Beach filming of Morning Joe. With the Florida primary vote going down today, we caught up with these acrobatic pole-dancing Howard Zinns for their take on the action.
Like they always say, why try and out-blog it when Skrawberry & Tip Drill have already pretty much written this blog for me. Some of the best quotes from the article:
New Times: Before we get into politics, what exactly is a "Skrawberry"?
Skrawberry: The way I started stripping was I used to just go to a club and get naked. But my real name is Jennifer, and I knew I couldn't use that. "Skrawberry" was kind of a joke at first. You know urban people-- ignorant urban people-- say "skraw" instead of straw. But then it just stuck: "Skrawberry".
[Tip Drill enters line.]
Skrawberry: He was just asking me how I got the name Skrawberry.
Tip Drill: Did you tell him?
Skrawberry: Yeah, going into clubs and taking my clothes off.
What do you guys think of Rick Santorum?
[A second of silence, and then extended laughter.]
Skrawberry: We think Obama should win.
Where do a couple class acts such as yourself go to grab the best wings in NYC when you're in town?
Skrawberry & Tip Drill (in usison): We go to Rathbones on 82nd & 2nd for 35 cent wings!
Okay so I obviously made that last part up. And don't worry you're not gonna run into any hood rat strippers (or most likely any black people for that matter) if you do stop by. But with both the best prices and food deals in the city (35 cent wings tonight) the Bones is the place to be to get yourself through Hump Day and one step closer to Superbowl weekend.
I know a lot of commentors have been complaining about how she is always on the site, but really how can you complain about an ass like Jennifer Nicole Lee here. If any one of our commentors ever got within 10 feet of this ass in real life they'd not only have pre-cum oozing out of their dicks but would probably just full on go #3 in their pants (think about it for a second...yeah, there it is). JNL. Bravo.
Forbes - If you’re a high school coach, or authority figure of any kind, and you’re trying to boost school spirit, there are many ways to go about it. Here’s a hint: don’t go about it like Chet Moffett at Cathedral Preparatory School in Erie, Pa.
Gentlemen –
I wanted to drop you all a line and give you my thoughts on Tuesday’s basketball game at general mcLame. I have been a coach here at Prep since 1998; so I have witnessed my share of close games (wins and losses), and I am fine with that. What I am not ok with is the fact that during the game, the GM student body out did us! It pains me to say that, but it’s true. I was perplexed about this during the game, because I did notice that we had our usual cast that have showed incredible school spirit in the past; then after the game, I counted 36 (and I’m sure I missed a few) Prep students that chose not to sit in the cheering section. Gentlemen — that is unacceptable!! I asked one student that did not sit in the cheering section and his reply was, “I wanted to sit with my girlfriend”. My reply was simple, “If she made or wanted you sit with her, then she is a high maintenance, selfish pig and you should dump her now and if you wanted to sit with her and ignore your brethren on the floor, then join [a former Prep student who since has transferred] at mercyworst!” In other words there is no excuse! Another student told me that he wanted to sit with his parents. My reply, “Cut the umbilical cord and grow a pair!” In other words there is no excuse! Another kid told me that he just wanted to “hang out with his friends”. I had no reply; I have no patience for boy lovers! Guys — there are no excuses for not cheering for your school! Understand guys — we set the standard with our cheering section! We were named the best fans in the state by the Pittsburgh Post Gazette! That’s 150 miles away! Every news crew in this town wants to cover our games because of our cheering section! The 36 plus that didn’t cheer for their school (and you know who you are) should be ashamed of themselves! You have chosen to be a part of a Brotherhood that no other school will ever understand! Your classmates make sacrifices in blood, sweat, tears to represent this school — show your support! Every game we go to our goal should be to make the opposing team, their family and their coaches as uncomfortable as possible! I hold the entire school accountable! Never should a bunch of mayonnaise sandwich eating, sister loving, trailer park dwelling clowns at general mclane ever chant “we can’t hear you” to Cathedral Prep! Let’s show our support to all winter sports (basketball, hockey, swimming and wrestling) and do it the Cathedral Prep way! Please fix this! Have a wonderful holiday, Coach Moffett
I couldn’t disagree with the author of this article any more. If you’re trying to boost school spirit you go about it exactly like Coach Chet Moffett. I would play for that dude any day.
Anyone who played any competitive high school sports knows that a student section can single handedly swing the momentum of a rivalry game such as this. All this coach was trying to do was inspire the students to support their classmates by sitting in the student section. If you want your school to win the big games, then you have to make sacrifices just like the team does. You don’t sit with your girlfriend, you dump her for being a high maintenance, selfish pig. You don’t sit with your parents, you cut the umbilical and grow a pair. And you don’t just hang out with your friends like someone who thinks Chet Moffett has any patience for boy lovers. Until the 36 pansies who bailed on the student section change their ways and start making opposing teams, families, and coaches feel as uncomfortable as possible you’re going to continue to lose to mayonnaise sandwich eating, sister loving, trailer park dwelling clowns like General McLame. Those are just the cold hard facts and this letter lays them out about as crystal clear as you possibly could.
PS - the “Have a wonderful holiday” close is classic
PPS - This article is a little old but I never saw it on the Stool and wanted to write about it because its about my high school. Also, even though Prep suspended him (they didn’t really have a choice) they have resisted overwhelming local and even national pressure to fire Coach Moffett which is actually a small win against the Pussification of America if you ask me.
Let's face it, everyone watches the Superbowlbut not everyone has a team playing in the game. The best part about sports is having a vested interest in the game, and along with the Superbowl come endless amounts of prop bets, or what I like to call money making opportunities. I've scoured over 500+ props and picked out the only Stone Cold Locks on the board. Take a look below and thank me when you're picking up your cash from your bookie.
Coin Toss - Tails (-105): Never Fails. Except the last 3 years. But that just means the Law of Averages is due to kick in so this one is a wrap.
Duration of National Anthem Over/Under 1:34 - Over (-120): So I did a little statistical analysis and Kelly Clarkson has sang the national anthem 8 times, only 1 of which has gone over the 1:34 mark (1:38). If you don't count the one time she went over her average time is 1:30, which means she would need to extend the song a full 5 seconds to blow this one up. It ain't gonna happen. Oh, and she's white. Simple logic says if the singer is white you go under and black you go over. Sometimes it's better not to over-analyze these things. Lock it up.
Color of the Gatorade Bath - Clear (2:1 odds): Under Coughlin, the Giants have 1 Superbowl win. After that 1 win the Giants gave Tom Coughlin a clear gatorade bath. Under Belichick, the Pats have 3 Superbowl wins. Interestingly enough, only 1 time of those 3 did Belichick actually get hit with a gatorade bath (the first 2 wins were last second victories so the team wasn't ready to get him before he ran onto the field). But the one time he did get wet, you bet your ass it was a clear gatorade bath. We're batting 1000% right now, don't fix it if it ain't broken. Throw the keys away cause this ones all locked up. (Just a note, I'm assuming clear gatorade is actually water but the assholes on the betting site wrote it this way so I left it as is to avoid any confusion).
Superbowl MVP - Aaron Hernandez (16:1 odds): This was a tough one because I only wanted to give 1 lock pick and I didn't want to go with someone obvious like Brady or Eli. If a receiver has a blow up game it most likely means the QB had a blow up game too, so I'm not taking any receivers. And neither team has a great running game and they both have RBBC's, so I'm not taking any backs. But, someone who is versatile like Hernandez has the ability to both catch a touchdown an run for a TD now that he is lining up in the backfield. To be honest I was hoping the odds would be a little better than 16:1, but it's still pretty good value for the pick that I feel has the best chance to win the trophy if a QB doesn't.
There you have it folks. These picks are coming from a man who is currently living off of gambling winnings and plans on continuing to do so for the foreseeable future. I don't want to be the only one beating off into Benjamins after the game is over so do yourself a favor and get in on the action. Now cue the music.
Good God. I don't know if those black X's are actually there or are superimposed but from some reason not being able to see her nips in this pic makes it even hotter for me. Not a bad way to kick off a Wednesday. Not a bad way indeed.
